3 Things Good Leaders Don’t Fear
They don’t fear decisions, conflict, or change.
You wake up in the morning, and your FIRST thought is: “I have a 10 am meeting today to talk with Samantha about her being late to work.” And dread fills your body before you even put your feet on the floor. It is 6 am, and for the next four hours, your mind will be anxious about this upcoming conflict. It’s a miserable way to start the day!
The good news is that this doesn’t have to be this way. Nope. You don’t need to feel like this — if you don’t want. And who does?
People waste time and effectiveness worrying about the change they need to make, the conflict they face, and how they need to make, what they deem to be, an important decision.
Let’s think about this for a minute. People worry about things that happen every day. EVERY DAY. From the time we get up in the morning until we go to bed, we make decisions about a hundred things. Of course, some things are more important than others, but the “process” is always the same.
Something changes every day. Your smartphone gets an update, there is a detour on your way to work due to road constructions, there is a new policy at work about shredding confidential material, your son or daughter’s baseball game had to be moved from Saturday morning to Sunday afternoon, or you just got promoted to a supervisory position. Change is unstoppable, and it happens all the time.
And finally, there is some conflict (drama) in your life involving people not doing what they are supposed to do, doing something they shouldn’t, or disagreements about something that was done, should have been done, or is going to happen.
Every day we go through these three things. So you would think that we would have a handle on these things. And good leaders do. But how?
Decisions
Quality decisions are made with the help of a calm emotional state, knowledge, experience, and preparation.
Emotional state.
“Truth knows nothing of emotion.”
That is a great quote (one of my favorites) and extremely truthful. When someone delivers you the facts, which are not what you want to hear, AND you have to make a decision — getting excited or acting irrationally does not help. It is detrimental to the entire process of making a decision. Try to look at the facts and realize they are the facts, and any emotion will not change them. Take a breath and try to relax as you go about your process to make your decision.
Knowledge.
Looking at your options is the first step in making a decision. Knowledge will allow you to select from the best of the options available. Remember, you need to know your job better than anyone. Study. Learn more about it.
· Good leaders know this and do their best to know their job.
Experience.
You either have this, or you don’t.
The more experience you have in a matter, the easier it is to draw from something you have seen work previously.
· The first time you do something is not the same as the 20th time you do the same thing. If the decision you are about to make is your first in that category, rely on your knowledge or ask someone you know who does have the knowledge to help you. Good leaders do this all the time.
Preparation.
· Thinking ahead and expecting the “what if” scenarios helps make a difficult decision. We can’t think of everything, but we can think about the possible upheaval for most issues. Be ready for them by asking, “What if this happens?” In the Air Force, pilots practice emergency procedures continually to ensure they know what to do immediately when things go wrong. The corrective actions become automatic. They are uber-prepared. Please understand, you don’t constantly have to fret about things, but spending a few brain cells on specific possible situational problems does prepare you.
Conflict
Not many people sign up to engage in conflict with anyone else. Yet, regardless of whether you like it or not, conflict happens regularly.
Good leaders know this and work hard to face conflict head-on and early. To help manage it, you need good communication skills, need to stay away from anger, need to recognize emotions, and think “win-win.”
Communication.
· In this case (of conflict), good communication starts with listening. Be the first to listen. Find out what the other person is thinking before you give them your rendition of the subject. Listen to understand. Don’t listen to cobble together your retort. Second, concentrate on speaking to the subject and not the person. This means when someone says something, you don’t say, “You are the dumbest person alive!” That will destroy any progress toward solving this conflict. Instead, try something like, “I can see why that idea might be a solution to this problem, but here is another possible solution we might want to consider.” You see, you are not criticizing the person; you are commenting on their proposed idea. There is a huge difference. Also, good communication requires respect for the other person. Treat them like you want to be treated — regardless of your level of authority. And take time to talk. Don’t be in a rush to solve this conflict in two minutes. If you don’t have the time to talk, ask the other person if you can meet with them later to discuss the subject. Rushing adds unwanted pressure to an already undesirable situation.
· Stay away from anger. “If you explode, you lose. Every time.” Another great quote (mine) that has proven true 100% of the time. In hundreds of seminars, I have asked the audience if anyone could give me an example of a time when “exploding emotionally” helped. I still haven’t gotten a hand raised. Stay calm. EVEN if they don’t! Matching their level of anger only makes the entire situation worse. If they are screaming, ask them to remain calm. If they refuse, tell them; if they can’t remain calm, you will leave, but you will be willing to talk later. (If you are in your office, you will ask them to leave if they can’t remain calm.)
Recognize emotions. The most significant emotion is fear. Fear of failure, embarrassment, being wrong, letting someone down, can’t win, or physical reprisal are all fears that make conflict difficult. Unfortunately, we don’t have the time to delve into each of these fears people have about conflict, but the answer to most of these fears is the same.
· If there is a conflict either personally or in the professional environment, it must be resolved to have trust and harmony restored. Period. There is no other way to handle it. “Sweeping the problem under the rug” is never the answer. That being said, take a little time to recognize your fear and know that it is just that, a fear. If you need to, address that fear to a responsible friend or mentor to clear your mind of the obstacle. Also, recognize your co-worker of friend, in this conflict, might have fears as well. It will help in the resolution if you know and can alleviate their anxiety right at the beginning of your conversation.
· Think “Win-Win” is always a solid solution to a conflict. If you step into a conflict with the idea that you will settle for nothing less than overall domination, it will be a long battle that will end with distrust, resentment, and a non-supportive co-worker. So, did you “win?” Your final answer to a conflict will come when both parties believe they can and are willing to live with an agreement. In most cases, it will have been worth the struggle because you may have uncovered a better way of doing things and learned more about each other. Even if the answer is to: “agree to disagree,” it will clear the air.
Change
Good leaders understand that when it comes to progress, “change” is good. If change wasn’t good, we would all still be using dial telephones with cords! Or we would all be riding horses because, well, they worked. So, no, change is a good thing, but sometimes dealing with change can be difficult — in the beginning.
Leaders embrace change and, in fact, want to be proactive and make things better with changes in either a process, equipment, organization, workforce, or training. Good leaders approach change through clear communication, recognizing fears, and education.
Communication.
· Changes don’t “come out of the blue.” Changes are discussed at different levels of management and then communicated to everyone below. (Read that last sentence again.) “Communicated to everyone below” is the part of significance here. Don’t let the “rumor mill,” that will be running rampant, control when the information is disseminated to “everyone” in the company. Good leaders tell their associates everything they know about the upcoming change as soon as they can. And they tell them the truth. Now, there will be times when the intermediate supervisors will be advised NOT to tell everyone about certain aspects of a change for the company’s strategic planning reasons. However, what happens is the rumor mill takes control, and the secret is leaked, and now your people will be coming to you and asking if what they heard is true. Tell them that you cannot confirm or deny any of what they heard “at this time,” but you will tell them everything when you can. Your people need to know you will tell them the truth when you can. And keep them up to speed regularly.
· Fears. Extinguish your subordinate’s fears as soon as you can.
· Tell the truth. The first thing people fear is losing their job. Until you know their job is safe, don’t say anything. The worst you can do is promise them they are all safe when they are not. Reorganization does not automatically mean terminations will follow.
· Solid and frequent communication (meetings perhaps) will help with this.
Education.
· When there is a significant change in the company, good leaders look forward to getting their people trained on whatever it is that is coming next. If there are new computer programs on the horizon, they are investigating the earliest training possibilities to get their people up and running as soon as possible. If there are position changes, good leaders fight for their people to move forward, if possible. Education and training are the first steps in healing the pain that goes along with a change.
To be clear, nobody is bulletproof. Good leaders are concerned about what goes on around them, but they try to face their fears with knowledge and trying to understanding them. We all have our foibles, but that doesn’t mean we can’t nullify or beat these anxieties with ease. It just means we need to learn how to handle them daily. And we do that by practicing how to be better communicators, better prepared, understanding, empathetic, and more knowledgeable about our job.
And you can do it. It’s just a concentrated effort. Not Voo Doo.